About This Talk

IMPACT Players National Director Warren Mainard shares 7 Nuggets he has learned about manhood over his past 4 years of leading IMPACT Players. These nuggets are easy to apply, and will dramatically improve your marriage, family, business, and leadership.

Transcript

Warren Mainard: Over the last four years, we've seen God do some amazing things. I had the opportunity to step into this role in October of 2020. At that time, I started with an empty spreadsheet and we started keeping track of what I called the "active roster." The active roster is men who have come to a breakfast like this, or who have been a part of one of our cohorts over the last four years. And in the last four years, we've seen over 800 men join our active roster through IMPACT Players. And so to God be the glory you guys are a part of that. We couldn't do that without you guys buying into this vision, getting excited about it, sharing it. I had guys text me and email me this week saying I invited a dozen men to join me this morning for this breakfast.

So this room is filled because of you guys. And I just wanna say thank you so much. And this morning we're gonna talk about seven nuggets for manhood. Now, if you're not familiar with IMPACT Players, a nugget is just a simple truth that you can implement into your life right away. And we have at IMPACT Players, what we call our "bacon guarantee." Okay, we make a big deal about bacon. One of my big pitches is when somebody says, "What's it like ?" I say, "Well, first of all, we've got mountains of bacon." So usually somebody will say, "You had me at bacon. That's all I needed to know." But we've got a bacon guarantee. And the bacon guarantee is this, that if you don't walk away this morning with at least one nugget, then we will give you a year's worth of bacon for free .

Now, we've been doing this bacon guarantee for a couple years now. We've yet to give away a single pound of bacon. And I'm sorry guys, it's not gonna happen today; I've got seven nuggets that I'm excited to share with you. Alright, so we're gonna go ahead and dive in 'cause I want to make the, the best of our time. But here's our first nugget.

Here's our first nugget: good throw, good catch. Brought a football with me for me on this. So, a lot of men believe the myth that you need a big platform to have an influence, that you need a big platform to have an impact. And really nothing could be further from the truth. My dad is an awesome example of that. There's a picture of me and my dad as a little boy. I'm the man I am because of my dad. My dad didn't have social media. He didn't have a big following, but he had a huge impact on my life and the lives of so many other people because of the man that he was. And, I'm a huge Husky fan because of my dad. Any Washington Husky fans in the room this morning? All right, let's go dogs! I'm a huge Husky fan. I used to go to every game because of my dad. And then for the away games, we would watch the Huskies on tv. And during halftime we would go outside and we would throw the ball back and forth. And we had this little saying, every time we, we threw the ball, it was just simply this" "Good throw, good catch. Good throw, good catch." And as we did that, I began to kind of pick up on this life lesson that the best lessons in life are caught not taught.

I've given thousands of talks over the years, and almost nothing that I've said will be remembered by most of the people that that hear it. It's just a simple reality. But they remember the life. They remember your life and your kids and your family members, the ones that are closest to you, they're gonna remember the lessons that are caught far more than they're gonna remember the lessons that are taught. I've read that 95% of the time that you'll spend with your kids happens before the age of 18 years old. The remaining 5% happens over the next 50 years. So guys, this is your impact moment, that time that you have with those kids at home, that's the opportunity. And I wanna live my life in such a way that the people who know me best, respect me the most. If you guys think something great of me, that's just a bonus. But I wanna make sure that I live my life in a way that my kids, my wife, those closest friends around me, they're the ones that respect me the most. So the first thing is real men pass it on.

Nugget number two: masculinity is not toxic. Real men bring real good. There's this myth that real masculinity is about dominance and power. I'll tell you a little story. When I was, a kid, my sister and I, we decided that we wanted to be rebellious. And, we decided to make our own cigarettes. So we cut up some pieces of paper, we got some tea leaves. We we cut those out, poured 'em in, we rolled up and we smoked our own homemade cigarettes. We were not exactly the brightest bulbs in the pack. Some world class parenting going on there. No, but when we got caught, my mom was furious and she made me write a paper about the dangers of smoking.

Now, why am I sharing that? Because we have in our world today an epidemic of loneliness. The Surgeon General has said that loneliness is such an issue in our world today, that they've labeled it an epidemic. And the number one demographic of those who are experiencing chronic loneliness in the world today is men. In fact, four out of every ten men that you meet are experiencing what is labeled as 'chronic loneliness.' And the physical effects of chronic loneliness are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So I look back and I think about that lesson that my parents gave to me about the dangers of smoking cigarettes. I don't smoke cigarettes today because of that life lesson, but how many of you heard your parents talk about the importance of building friendships into your life? Especially after you get out of college?

When I was 27 years old, I had this amazing, unbelievable revelation. I didn't have any friends. I was married, I had a young kid. I was busy in my career, but I had not invested in any friendships. And so I made a decision at that time that I needed to get really intentional about building, a group of friends around me that would help me grow and become the man that God wanted me to be. Real men bring real good. This is a photo of my wife and I August 2nd, 1997. I was 21 years old. She was 20 years old. You know how much I knew about being a man at this time? About this much, right? You know how much I knew about being married at that, at this time? This much, right? But a couple months later, October 5th, 1997, I joined close to a million men in Washington, DC for the Promise Keepers Stand in the Gap rally.

Any of you guys at that rally? Yeah, pretty amazing. Think about that, almost 30 years ago. And, there's a handful of guys that were in the crowd with me that day. But when I think about the influence of Promise Keepers, the thing that that really transformed me the most was not the gathering of a million men. It was the eight men that I went to the conference with, that I went to the event with. It was the fact that we spent time together week after week after week, talking about what it meant to be a good man, what it meant to be a godly man. And what I learned from those men are the lessons that I've tried to bring into my life and my marriage and my parenting over the last 27 years of marriage. And it's simply this: that it's not my role to dominate in the home. That's not what a real man does. A real man lays down his life for his bride, lays down his life for his kids. Servant leadership is the way that God has called us as men to lead.

Alright, number three. I've already kind of, dived into this, but I don't wanna miss it. Every man needs a band of brothers. Real men don't fight alone. There's a myth that a real man is a lone ranger. I shared that story about the cigarettes and the danger of being alone. But in the Bible, there's a great warrior by the name of King David. David is the one that slayed the Goliath. He slayed the giant Goliath. And I think a lot of times we think about this warrior as being this guy that stands alone. Right?

But King David had what he called his 'mighty men.' He had these other guys around them that were also warriors that were willing to have his back in time of need. They were fighting the same battle. They believed in the same God. They were sharing the same goals and dreams for their country and for their families. And David surrounded himself intentionally with dynamic quality men. And so several years ago, as I mentioned, I realized I didn't have any friends. I decided to really be intentional about that. And in 2020, during the pandemic, I lost my job at the position that I was serving within another nonprofit. And on the way home from getting let go from that position, I called five men. And one of those five men was Matt Wimmer. The next morning, Matt called me and he said, "Warren, I want you to pray about becoming the first Executive Director of IMPACT Players."

I wouldn't be here today if I didn't have those men in my life at that time. I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't been intentional to build those friendships around me. And the truth is that for most of you probably already know this, but maybe for the younger guys in the room to hear this: a lot of times the breakthroughs in your life, the solutions to the problems that you may be facing, the answer is not going to be in how. It's gonna be, in who. It's gonna be in who are those people around you that can guide you, that can open doors for you, that can pray for you, that can encourage you, that can strengthen you. So the question I have is, are you being intentional right now to build around you a band of brothers? Some mighty men, that you know that when life falls apart, when things get difficult, when you run into a brick wall, when your marriage is going through some struggles, when your kids begin to go sideways in a way that you didn't expect. Who do you have in your life to turn to in that moment? Find your band of brothers. A real man doesn't fight alone.

Nugget number four: run the play every day. There's a myth that a real man talks loudly. A real man is the guy that owns the room. And that everybody listens to him and does what he says, right? What I've learned over the years is that the most powerful man is the in the room, is the one who knows how to listen. And I've discovered that on a very practical way. In fact, during the pandemic... anybody remember the pandemic? Things got a little bit heated. It was an election year; politics, social justice issues, all of the different things warring at us. And what I saw was a lot of angry people. Everywhere I went, people were angry. And that anger was kind of infiltrating into my heart. That anger was infiltrating into our family. And the truth is, guys, like you might be looking at me and saying, "Warren, you're the IMPACT guy." But here's the thing, in reality, in our home, there were fights almost every single night like we were arguing over every issue. You can imagine all the stuff that people were arguing about out there, those arguments were happening in our home around the dinner table because we had some very strong, opinionated people in our home.

And here's what I decided to do. I decided to run 'the play.' Now, what is 'the play?' The play is James chapter one, 19 through 20. It says, "know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." So here's what I did. Anytime those arguments began to set off, it was just like you could see it coming and it would just build to a crescendo. But I would just sit and I would listen, and I would listen and I would listen and I would listen. And eventually, it was almost like all the bullets had been fired. And they looked at me and they said, "What do you think?"

Now I can just tell you, as a dad, as a husband, as a man, if you can get into a situation where everybody is willing to look at you and say, "What do you think?" that's a good position to be in. And so I would just simply say something like this. I'd say, "Well, I hear you saying this, and I hear you saying this, but here's what I hear God saying. This is what I believe God wants us to think about this particular issue. Maybe we should consider that." And it was an amazing thing to see this happen over and over and over again. Literally like every issue that you can imagine. I started running the play and working that system out every single time. And I began to watch, as our family dynamics began to change, there was greater unity, there was greater, communication, greater respect. And we actually began to see some real transformation in the hearts and in the lives of our kids. And it was a powerful, powerful thing. So run the play. Whatever situation you're in, be the one to listen first, to be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Nugget number five: audacious authenticity. Men want to share their feelings. How many of you grew up, being told that feelings are for sissies and mama's boys? Yeah. Okay. A few. I mean, being a man meant not crying. Being a man meant being tough. You know, just tough it out. Grit through it. Don't share your emotions. And so I took that mindset with me into my adulthood, into my marriage. And honestly, over the years, my wife has said to me more times than I would like to count, "You know, you're like a cyborg. You're, you're not even human." My wife has said, "I've got all these emotions and I look at you and you're just like, flatlined. What's the deal?" And it's because I just had this mindset that like, okay, I'm the man, I've gotta be completely emotionless.

It's probably a part of that because of my background playing sports and, and being a college tennis player, just always staying in control, always being composed. But what I learned over the last few years, really being a part of IMPACT, this is new stuff for me; is that there's great power in sharing your emotions, identifying what you're feeling, and communicating in a healthy way those emotions to your wife, to your children, and to the men around you. And what I've learned is that men actually want to share their feelings. They just need to know how to do it. And they need to know that they're in a safe place to do it. And that they can be encouraged to do that without any reservation or any judgment. And that's one of the most amazing things that I've experienced over these last four years with IMPACT Players, is this idea of audacious authenticity.

When you get into a room with a group of guys and you can share completely, openly, and honestly about what you're struggling with, whether it's situation with your kids, situation at work with your spouse, maybe you're dealing with an inward struggle like pornography or sexual addiction, whatever that thing is, if you can get into a room with a group of guys and really be open and honest, it is amazing. What it will do to transform your life. And it has made me a better husband. It's made me a better dad.  I can't even tell you how many times over the last few years that I thought my instinct was to say, don't talk about your emotions. That was my instinct. But I chose to do it. And what I realized was that it actually invited intimacy with my spouse. It invited intimacy with my children. It helped them to realize that, you know what, dad is a human being just like I am. And if dad can have emotions, I can have emotions.

Nugget number six: thermostats not thermometers. Real men set the temperature. There's this myth that a real man punches lockers, right? How many of you guys watched the 1980s version of The Incredible Hulk, the TV show? Lou Farrigno painted green. And the basic premise of every episode was David Banner would come into a new town, he would get pushed around by somebody, and then he would say, "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." And then somebody would push his buttons, he would turn into the Hulk and he would throw somebody through a window and break some cars. That was the basic premise of the Incredible Hulk.

And if you watch that for any amount of time, at some point you start to say to yourself, you know, maybe it's you. Maybe you are the problem. And here's the big idea that I want to communicate with you, is that a real man is a thermostat, not a thermometer. And what I mean by that is a thermostat sets the temperature. A thermometer simply responds or reacts to the temperature. And so when you hear yourself or somebody else saying, "You made me angry. You made me frustrated. You made me sad. You made me disappointed. I was doing great until you did this thing. And now I'm back into that old sinful habit again." Real men are thermostats. We set the temperature. There's two ways that you can approach your life. You can be impulse driven or you can be Spirit led.

The impulse driven man is the one that just does whatever his body kind of pulls him to do. But the Spirit led man is the man who has surrendered his life to the Holy Spirit of God. And the fruit of God's Spirit begins to come out of him instead of those fleshly reactions. And what is the fruit of the spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Self-control. Man, that is a fruit of the spirit. It's a fruit of surrendering your life to God. And so I wanna just challenge you. Men, don't be thermometers. Be thermostats in whatever situation that you're in. If the temperature is going up, if it's heated, bring the temperature down. If there, if it's cold, bring warmth back in.

If your wife is giving you the silent treatment, don't just say, "Well, I guess there's nothing I can do." Be intentional and turn the temperature up. If there's anger in your community, in your church, in your business, bring the temperature down. Be the thermostat in your life and in those lives around you.

Nugget number seven: a man of the word is greater than a man of the world. Real men build their lives on God's word. There's this myth that your wealth determines your worth. I think, if you were to look at somebody as the ultimate picture of success over the last 25 years or so, you might point to somebody like Tom Brady. You know, Tom Brady at one time he was interviewed. I took note of this. And at 27 years old, he had already won three Super Bowls. He was modeling for Stetson. He was a multimillionaire, married to a supermodel. And in this interview, he was asked about his success.

And he said, "Why do I have three Super Bowl rings and still think that there's something greater out there for me? I mean, maybe a lot of people would say, 'Hey man, this is what it is.' I reached my goal, my dream, my life. Me. I think, God, it's gotta be more than this. I mean, this can't be what it's all cracked up to be. I mean, I've done it. I'm 27. And what else is there for me?" And the interviewer asked him, "What's the answer?" He said, "I wish I knew. I wish I knew." Tom Brady, with all that success: the good looks, the victories, the super bowls, the rings, the trophies, the wife. All those things, he was missing the one thing that every IMPACT Player has. He knew why he was here. We know why we're here.

We know who we are because our lives are not built on the world. Our lives are built on the word; that is the solid rock on which we stand. And as IMPACT Players, we build our lives on this simple truth: that Jesus Christ is the Lord. And Jesus's word is the rock on which we stand. That's how I live my life. Every single day I spend time reading the Bible and letting the Bible define who I am as a man, shape how I behave, shape how I believe. So in my hand right now, I've got a journal Bible. And, it's pretty beat up because it's, it's taken a lot of wear and tear over the last 18 years. And I bought this Bible 18 years ago for a specific purpose that when my son graduated from high school, I would give him this Bible as a gift from father to son, to communicate this truth that if you build your life on the word of God, you will never go wrong.

Amen. And so in this Bible, there are notes that I've written to my son, prayers for my son, insights from the scriptures that I've learned that have helped me to be a better man, a better husband, a better father, a better leader. And my desire for him, when I give this to him next month after 18 years of investing in this Bible and in that son, is that he might carry that torch, that he might carry that baton with him. Build your life on the word every day. Guys, if we look around this room, it's a packed room this morning, but there are thousands of men outside of these doors that are looking for what we have right here. Let's not be satisfied with a full room this morning 'cause there are so many more men that need what we have today.

And I just want to say that I'm praying for a movement of men, not only here in the PNW, but across the nation. But I know this, that we will never be a movement until God moves men. We will never experience momentum until more men step into their greatness. And we will never see improvement until men improve. I really believe this, that the world has been set up by God in this way: that as men go, so goes the world. A healthy man produces healthy marriages, healthy families, healthy churches, healthy communities, and a healthy nation, and a healthy world. So guys, what you're doing here is of the utmost importance. Because if you can get your heart right, if you can get your mind right, if you can get your relationship with God and with your spouse and your children right, it will change the world. I believe that from the bottom of my heart.

So, guys, are you ready? Are you in? Yep. Okay, let's, let's end this time. I hadn't really planned out exactly how I wanted to end this time, but, but let's end this time with a hoorah for God, okay? Coach, you like that idea?

Matt Wimmer: I love it.

Warren Mainard: Do you wanna lead it?

Matt Wimmer: I love it. On three! 1, 2, 3, hoorah!

Crowd: Hoorah!

Warren Mainard: Alright, Gary, lemme turn it back over to you. Thank you guys.