About This Episode - 

“Whoever wins the family, wins the culture in the end."  This motto guides everything that Dr. Randy and Lesli Bixby do in their organization- The Family Restoration Project (www.winthefamily.org). When it comes to family, Randy and Lesli have experienced it all, seen it all, heard it all and lived to talk about it! National Director Warren Mainard explores the question of how men can "win" their family and experience a reformation in their home.

Warren Mainard is the National Director of IMPACT Players, an author, speaker, and connector. He has 30 years of ministry experience as a pastor, nonprofit leader, and church planter. You can connect with Warren on Facebook, Instagram, and X. Warren is also available to speak on your podcast or event! Email him at [email protected].

Dr. Randy Bixby is a best selling author, speaker, trainer and minister who holds a Doctorate in Leadership and Cultural Transformation. He is an ICF certified executive and life coach. His experience includes 30+ years in ministry as a Pastor, National Denomination Executive, Missionary, Entrepreneur, Co-founder of three non-profit organizations and a Legislative Chaplain.

Lesli is a speaker, trainer, minister, and ICF certified executive and life coach. Her experience includes a 30 year career in commercial insurance as a program development executive and as a successful high-end real estate agent in southern California.

They host the podcast, Transforming Families with Randy and Lesli, a top 5% global podcast. Dr Randy and Lesli Bixby also founded Cultural Architects, The Family Institute For Cultural Transformation, The Family Reformation Project, and KHOPAZ: Kingdom House of Prayer Arizona.

To find out more about IMPACT Players, visit www.impactplayers.org.

Listen: Apple | Spotify

Transcript -

Warren Mainard: Hello men and welcome back to the IMPACT Players Linking Shields podcast. A podcast designed for men to inspire them to be great husbands, fathers, and leaders by equipping them to thrive in the relationships that matter most. And Linking Shields is all about saying, hey, we can't do this together. We need one another. We need to learn from one another. We need to be encouraged and inspired by what men and what leaders are doing all over the country. And so, the Linking Shields podcast is really all about identifying other like-minded leaders who are in the same fight together and saying, hey, let's do this together so that we can protect one another, encourage one another, bless each other to help men, marriages, families, communities, and churches thrive for the glory of God. And so, I'm so thrilled to have with me a dynamic duo, a married couple that have linked shields and linked their lives together for ministry. Dr. Randy and Lesli Bixby are joining us today on the Linking Shields podcast. And, you are going to be in for an incredible, incredible treat as today we really talk about this theme of winning the family in today's culture. And, Randy, Dr. Randy's quote on this that you find on his website is so powerful: "Whoever wins the family wins the culture in the end." And so we're gonna talk about how each, you know, man can help win his family, but ultimately how their fighting to win the family and win the culture as well. So, a little bit about my two amazing guests before I bring them on to share a little bit. Dr. Randy is a bestselling author, speaker, trainer, minister. He's got a doctorate in leadership and cultural transformation, which is absolutely on point for the work that he's doing. He's got all of the ICF and executive life coaching degrees. He's been doing ministry as a pastor, denominational leader, missionary, entrepreneur, and a co-founder of nonprofits for over 30 years. But I think he would be quick to tell all of our listeners that his real achievement is being a husband, a father, a grandfather, and marrying his amazing bride, Lesli, who is also extremely accomplished, as well as a speaker, trainer, ICF coach, a leader in the commercial insurance world, in the business realm, and also the co-host and co-founder of their amazing ministry, The Family Reformation Project. So, enough of me going on and on about you guys. Welcome to the Linking Shields podcast, Dr. Randy, Lesli, thank you for being a part of it. And just take some time to share a little bit about yourself that we haven't covered yet.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah. Well, first of all, thank you. We had you on our podcast and we just fell right in love with you and your mission. And so it's really fun to truly, truly collaborate together like we ought to. We just, we're invested in your success and in the men that you serve. And so, thank you, this is getting fun. I, I'm interested to see where God will take all of this.

Warren Mainard: Amen, amen. Well...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah. You wanna share with our story?

Warren Mainard: Yeah, I was gonna say, one of the things that I talk to our men about all the time is that there are four words that can change your life, and it's just simply: "Tell me your story." So, you know, when you sit down with someone and you have a little while to share a cup of coffee or over a meal, just say those four words and you'll be amazed...

Dr. Randy Bixby: That's good.

Warren Mainard: ...how close you are with somebody after you do that. So let's do that. Just take some time to share a little bit about your story and how that's led you to what you're doing now through the Family Reformation Project, which is really about that that big idea of winning the family in order to win the culture.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Good.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. I guess I'll start with, we'll start in the beginning.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: God created us in the context of family. God is a family. He's, he is the Father, he is the source of everything and everything that we need. Everything. Provision, ideas, inspiration, skills, healing, everything you could possibly need is tapped into in receiving the Father's love. And if you're, if your men out there hear anything today, I really hope that they hear that everything they need, how to be a good father, how to be a good husband, all of it flows out of receiving the Father's love. So all of you men out there, you are sons before you're anything else. And I hope you hear that today.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Good.

Lesli Bixby: And you receive because your Father in heaven is, is just absolutely delighted with who you are. He created you on purpose. Randy and I just, Readers Digest version, we came from completely different backgrounds. Randy was raised in Iowa with a, you know, loving Christian family, healthy church. He got a calling on his life at 12 years old to serve leaders of leaders at the gates of culture. He didn't know what that was, but he's been hard after the heart of God. And the calling on his life ever since then. And he's getting old. So it's been a long time.

Dr. Randy Bixby: She just said that!

Lesli Bixby: I conversely grew up in Southern California as I affectionately referred to, by a pack of wolves. So we had very, very different childhood experiences, and yet when we met, we realized that we both had experienced very similar pain and tragedies in our life. We are a blended family. We have five adult children between the two of us, we're up to 13 grandchildren now.

Warren Mainard: Wow.

Lesli Bixby: But when we met, we came out of a lot of wreckage: divorce, multiple divorces, frankly. Infidelity, addiction, early death. I mean...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah. Abuse, abandonment, false accusation.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. We ran the....

Dr. Randy Bixby: Early... Yeah, you said early death.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. Ran the gamut on things. And so I say that just to say that no one's immune, you know, in this world you might have trouble. Oh, oh wait a minute. No, it doesn't say that. It says, in this world you will have trouble. So, anybody that's feeling, you know, picked on and a victim out there, you're not alone. We all suffer, suffer pain and tragedy, abuse of all kinds. So when we met, really, it was a it was a God orchestrated...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: God orchestrated thing. Wow. Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: You pick it up?

Lesli Bixby: You pick it up from there.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Alright. I think, man, you did just such a good job. Really, the bottom line was whether we were serving the Lord with all of our hearts or not, and we all, I think, had seasons of that, terrible things still happen to our families.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: And our children were wounded deeply. We separately right, were wounded deeply. And in that, for me, you know, the entire time of my life I've been in vocational ministry, that has been my calling, my passion. And yet all of these things, and sometimes when we tell people our story, the first part they say, "And you have a family ministry? You do ministry to marriages?" And, but what we've learned pretty quickly, as I'm sure you do, that if, and this is really all we did, all we can take credit for out of the amazing turnaround in healing that God, that God gets the credit for, all we did is didn't quit. And we surrendered and did it God's way. We kept saying 'yes' to him.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Both of us in our own journeys, we just kept saying there, "God, there's gotta be more. Teach me. God, there's gotta be more healing. God, there's gotta be more for our kids." And so, he is the hero of our story. As we say, our story is one of redemption, restoration, and the kindness of God, and we mean it. Some people say, man, you guys are humble. And we say, boy, we have a lot to be humble about.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Because it is his goodness. Now, if you serve the Lord like you have, and probably a lot of your listeners, what you find out is if you do it God's way, however long it takes, he can turn things around. And whatever it was that was destroying your life actually can become the very place that God prepares us and equips us to help others that may be experiencing some of those same things and wondering, how do I get through this?

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: How does my family survive? And when you've walked through the fire, you walk through hell with God, and you made it through, we actually are equipped and have some maturity and some tools, if you will, to be able to share. And that's our story.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. And Romans 8:28, it really is our life verse, you know, and we know that God works all things...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: ...all things for the good.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: Like all things. There isn't an addiction you struggle with. There isn't a relationship...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Oh man.

Lesli Bixby: ...that's been destroyed. There isn't anything you've done wrongly or rightly with your - all of it. God will redeem and use for your good and for your purpose that he has. He's got a, he's already had a story written from before time for you. And it's a good story.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: And like any epic story, there's ups and downs, there's villains, there's love, there's tragedy. But in the end, right, boy gets the girl, and it's a happily ever after in every good story. And that is the story of our, that's our story as Christians, right?

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: At the end of the age, a groom is coming for a bride.

Warren Mainard: That's right.

Lesli Bixby: And there's gonna be an eternal family.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. It's a beautiful story.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah. There's a lot more color to that story.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: But we'll leave you that for another time.

Warren Mainard: Well, I hope you don't mind if I kind of just ask a little bit about that because...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Sure.

Warren Mainard: Like by the way, Lesli, that the, to me, the corollary verse to Romans 8:28 is the really the epic conclusion of the story of Joseph where, you know, he says to his brothers, "What you intended for evil..."

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: "...God intended for good."

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: Amen.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Amen.

Warren Mainard: To rescue, you know, his people. And so I just think sometimes we ask these questions of like, God, why did you let this happen? How could, you have allowed all this evil to take place? Or, you know, and so, Randy, one thing that I'm kind of curious about for you, because you said, hey, I came to know the Lord at a young age, I surrender to the Lord at a young age. I think a lot of times people kind of have this mindset, and I'm sure you run into it with the families that you work with, where there's kind of this mindset that like, okay, I can explain the things that happened before I came to know Jesus, that I screwed up and I own that. But when you're kind of like in a position where you're saying like, God, I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm serving you. Look at all the things that I'm doing. Like how, how kind of, how does your story make sense of, you know, some of those things where you're like, hey, like I gave my life to you and I've been trying to serve you, and yet I'm still experiencing tragedy, disappointment, brokenness on deep levels.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah. Great, great comment and question. And I think it's real, very common for us to do that. And the reality is, if we, if we're honest and we look at the scriptures, it's filled with people that trusted God, believed in him, followed him, served him and even after that, experienced terrible tragedies in their life. They were murdered, they were persecuted, they were beat up. They were rejected.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: You know?

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. Part of that is because we live in a fallen world. I mean, that's just what we have, right. And Jesus made a way back to the Father. We know that as well, but I think sometimes people don't wanna accept the fact that in many instances, God has given the enemy permission to sift us. He got permission to go after Job.

Dr. Randy Bixby: And Peter.

Lesli Bixby: And he got permission to sift Peter.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: But that's not the whole story. The whole story is: but I have prayed for you. And when you've been restored, feed my sheep. Right? So it's, and how do you know? How do you know if the Lord's allowing something to happen to you versus some fool that was driving drunk, got in his car and hurt somebody that you loved? I mean, God doesn't, it's not the orchestrator of that kind of tragedy, but he will sift us. And here's the thing. He's not doing it to so that he can, he's, you know, we've gotta prove ourselves to him. That's a lot of our heart posture think, well I, if I just do better, and if I can quit sinning in this area...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Just earn it.

Lesli Bixby: ...just earn it, work harder, work stronger. That's not what the testing is. The proving is to prove to us what God already knows about us.

Warren Mainard: Right.

Lesli Bixby: And what he's given for us to do is to prove it to us. And it's all to reveal the Father's love of us.

Warren Mainard: Wow.

Dr. Randy Bixby: That's so good. Can I jump in real quick before you go?

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: I was gonna say, there's another piece of life that all of us really need to become aware of, and that is that God has made us and designed us with individual agency.

Lesli Bixby: Yes.

Dr. Randy Bixby: I have a soul. I have a will and a mind, and that, that's mine. And every choice I make that leads to an action or a word or an inaction. The Bible's very clear that I'll give an account for that. That God is just keeping track of that soul, not from a mean judge, but as a father who loves his kids and just his design. And so every person, believe it or not, has individual agency. And to the degree that we surrender and we choose an agreement with God, things go better. But the thought that other people's choices won't affect me or won't affect people I love, or that my kids will always make the right. Those are not guaranteed. And there is very much costs and benefits to every choice. Every, I mean, most of the choices that we make, by the way, are what to believe or not believe.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Which has a cascade of costs and benefits after making those choices of what to believe and not believe. And the thought that because I'm, you know, I'm giving my life to the Lord that I would become immune to other people's fallen natures and choices and even my own. Because the truth is I can walk in my flesh, even though I love God with all my heart. I can walk in my flesh, and if I do, there will be costs and benefits to that.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: To me and other people.

Warren Mainard: Right.

Dr. Randy Bixby: And so that, that's the walk.

Warren Mainard: Yeah. It's that principle of, you know, God will not be mocked. We, a man will reap what he sows.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Reap what he sows, yeah.

Warren Mainard: So I know that you guys are just a minute or two older than me. And so...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Thanks for pointing that out. Appreciate it.

Warren Mainard: Growing up kind of in the southern church world. There were definitely cultural thoughts and ideas that like, hey, if you've been divorced, you're done. It's over. Like, if you've ever had a prodigal son or daughter, it's over. You know, you're, you might as well just go work at Home Depot. But we know that there's so much redemption, so much restoration, so much reformation that the Lord can do when we surrender our lives to him. And I've been blessed to be around some of the most godly, kingdom impactful people who are on, you know, second or third marriages because God was using all that to bring them to where they are now.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: So you guys have a ministry called the Family Reformation Project. It's not the Family Formation Project, but the reformation or re-formation project. So talk a little bit about what that is and what does it mean for a family to be reformed? What, like what's the mission and the idea behind that?

Dr. Randy Bixby: That's a great, great question. So I'm gonna first go to where it had its inception, and then I'm gonna answer your questions. So in 2016, which is a few minutes ago, I was at the lowest point in my life. I had to just, my second wife had left. My kids had all been deeply wounded. I'm still in ministry, giving it everything I have. And I came to just that low point of, God, I can't do this anymore. Like, I, I'll never leave you. But I cannot put my, my phrase was, I have to take my foot off the gas. I have to, you know, I'll never leave you, but I can't press this. Like my family's destroyed. The shame that I felt, a lot of things, I just, I wanted to just say, God, you know, I'm putting ministry on the shelf. And the Lord spoke to me and he said, "Just love your family." And I said, "That's all you want from me?" And he said, "That's all I want." And I said, "I can do that." 'Cause I had really worked hard to maintain my relationships with my kids. And, but they were devastated. They were broken. And so I woke up the next morning and God began to give me very fresh revelation about how he does family. Now I mean, I'm biblically trained. I'm, I've been searching this for a hard long, I thought I knew stuff about marriage and family, and I sort of did, but he just opened my eyes to see things in such fresh, new light. And I began to see patterns. And, you know, he used the staff in Moses' hand is what he had. And so, and what I had was this lifetime of leadership development, of experiential learning, of facilitating transformation in people. And so he started using that and he began to show me how I could make these tools, I call 'em and do them with my family, with my family to help heal and restore. And so it's tools, all kinds of ways to walk with the Spirit and forgive and to communicate and just to start fresh in God's design. But before all of that, he just basically opened up his design for family. And this is important for everything that we do. Talk just for a minute about what is God's design for a family? Because everything is built, the whole ministry is that it's a global movement to restore the family to God's design.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. Well, again, we're telling stories, right?

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: And I wanna encourage you, as you engage with the word of God, that you read the, read it as the whole story. Avoid this desire to postscript, is that the term? I call it cherry picking. Little pieces of the word that...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Proof text.

Lesli Bixby: Proof text that we like. And I think all of us have sat in sermons where a whole theology or whatever has been built around a scripture when it's not been taught in context, and it's not been taught in, out of the heart of God in the whole story. It is a redemption story. You talked about that a moment ago. And by the way, there's, God used all kinds of broken people. We have a saying, we actually trust somebody that walks with a limp that's been restored, right. That's been through hell and...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Who's been humbled and broken and restored, we trust.

Lesli Bixby: Humbled and broken and restored. Those are trustworthy people. But it started in the garden. I mean, even post-garden or pre-garden, rather, God is a family: Father, Son, Holy Ghost. He is a family. And he created us in his image.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: You know, he created all the plants and the animals, and he told 'em to reproduce after their own kind. So a tree begets a tree, a rabbit begets lots of rabbits, right. When it came to mankind, the word says he formed mankind, by the way, that word 'adham', there is mankind. It's not a name proper.
He formed mankind out of the dust of the earth, and he breathed, his 'ruach', his life force into that dirt. And it became a living being. The word says he created, he created mankind, man and woman in his image. And then the first thing he tells them to do is be fruitful, multiply, govern the earth. Be what? Be what he breathed into them. We're, and I don't hear this the wrong way, but we are image bearers of the living God.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: In earth suits. And so he told us to be that firstly, to be what God created us to be. Not what your parents told you to be, not what culture tells you what you're supposed to be. Not all the questioning around your sexuality. Your identity is steeped in the breath and the life force of the God of the universe. And so he told them, them by the way, Adam and Eve, to reproduce and govern the earth.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Be fruitful.

Lesli Bixby: Be fruitful, multiply, govern the earth. He didn't tell Adam to, hear me gentlemen: he did not give that mandate to the man and tell Eve to bring him a sandwich. That command was to mankind, Adam and Eve.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yes.

Lesli Bixby: You be fruitful and multiply and govern the earth.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: We won't get into a discussion on roles. That's a different, that's a different topic. But you, one of the questions when you were prepping us for this was, how can men better partner with their spouses to lead their family through a process of restoration? You do it through oneness. The two shall become one flesh. And that's not just body flesh. We're not just talking about sexuality. You become one. Man and woman are, or are a picture of us to see the whole story of God. They came together as one. Jesus and the Father were one. And at the end of the age, Jesus is coming back for a bride, all the men and all the women are the bride. It's about oneness. And so when you're approaching the restoration, the reformation, the healing of your family, and you're still married. And even if you're not married, but you're co-parenting together, do it from a place of oneness in agreement with each other and with God. Now that being said, we understand that the divorce rate is just as high in the Christian community as it is in the secular world. There's a lot of single dads out there that are listening to this podcast, maybe single moms. And there is redemption. And there is a way in that as well, which is very much steeped in how the Family Reformation project, family school, the tribe work. And I'll kick it over to you.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Thank you. Yeah. The design for family, Warren, is really critical in this whole thing because it's just the fact that if we operate by God's design, I mean, the design was, this was God's strategy. I'm gonna have a son and a daughter, and we're gonna take walks in the afternoon, and you're gonna rule the world. I'll tell you everything you need to know. Boy, how far away from the simplicity...

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: ...of that wonderful design have we gotten?

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: And so God, restoring families to God's design, the facts were clear to me as God began to show this. And we began to, I began to do this with my kids. And soon after Lesli came, jumped right in. And our family began to heal and began to be restored, we didn't have any ambition for a ministry. We were just trying to heal our family 'cause they were broken. And what began to happen was the Lord began to make it aware to us that this is not just for you. That this is one of the missing pieces. In fact, leaders in Washington DC in 2019, 400 Kingdom leaders, these are global leaders, about what is it gonna take to finish a great commission? Serious people with serious missions. They asked some questions. One of the questions they asked is, in the Great Commission and in the finishing of the Great Commission, what are the missing pieces? The number one top answer by people in the know of what was missing from kingdom's strategy was a comprehensive, systematic strategy for the family. And we were in the middle of writing this book, and then just, we've been just following the breadcrumbs, you know, with God after. And it has become a global movement. But the, this idea that family is the originator, is the source from God for culture - that all of culture is downstream...

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: ...from family. As goes the family, so goes the culture. And that's not just not a cute saying that whoever wins the family wins the culture. I studied eight civilizations, and eight civilizations proved, the fall of their civilization, there's five components that brought civilizations down. Number one on the top of each of those lists is the demise of the family.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: And it's provable, it's scientific. And so this isn't new. This isn't just us deciding, hey, let's make family important. The reality is, because God's design is immutable, I have a whole 'nother teaching. But really, when Father God is the source, you know, it's his family. Then it's Adam and Eve, and then it's the 'ecclesia', you know, the family of God that, and then leaders from the family of God that emerge the gates of culture, mountains of culture, spheres, whatever you wanna call 'em. And then they're there to lead in revealing God's power or God's wisdom, or God through culture, through business, through arts and media. And for the result of creating more family in God's design. That pattern is immutable. It's unchangeable, it's in effect for every family, every culture. The difference is if you change the centerpiece, if you change the source, the word father means source. By the way, this is really important. Men, father means source. And if you change the Father, Jesus said, "Your father, the devil." You change the source. And that pattern, that design continues, but from a different source. So it creates fallen families, what I call 'corrupt' families. Then it creates corrupt 'ecclesia,' leaders in culture. Then it creates corrupt institutions who, what do they do? They influence to reveal man's wisdom or the enemy's wisdom not God. And the result is corrupt family generation after generation after generation.

Warren Mainard: That's so good. And you know, I just, I kinda have this picture coming to my mind as you guys were sharing that. 'Cause you used the word 'design' over and over again. And so many of our IMPACT Players cohort curriculums the first week or two go back to Genesis...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Come on.

Warren Mainard: ...one and two.

Dr. Randy Bixby: We have to!

Warren Mainard: And it just reminded me of this moment. I just had a few moments: a few days ago, I dropped my son off at college. He needed some bookshelves assembled, you know, just the cheap Walmart do it yourself, put it together. And so when I put those together for him, the first thing that I did was I looked at the picture of what it looks like when it's completed.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: And then I got out the instructions and I looked to see if I had all the pieces. And then I started with the first, you know, instruction. And I just followed it step by step by step. And thankfully, I didn't make too many mistakes. And ultimately I had a completed bookshelf.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: Where I think a lot of men are in our world today is they don't have a picture to look at. They don't have all of the pieces, and they don't have the instructions on how to assemble their family.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: And so they end up putting together kind of a mangled, misrepresentation of what the family is supposed to be because they're just doing the best that they can with the information that they have available.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: So there's a, there's a moment in that process, right, when you're building or assembling furniture where you go, oh crap, I made a mistake. I gotta turn it back. I gotta undo some things. I gotta unscrew some things and I gotta reassemble this thing, but it's not too late. You know?

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: So maybe just run with that idea a little bit as it relates to kind of how, and how families, if they feel like, okay, what we've built is not working, it's not the picture that we think God wants for our family to look like. How do they go back and kind of maybe disassemble a little bit so that then they can move forward with the right model of their life and their family?

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah. You're asking the same questions that we asked God as we were rebuilding our family and around this whole work. So it's easy to answer. The design for family is found in the word of God, period. And that's just what it is, right? And how God parented Israel, there's great insight. If we see things that, through that lens, you know, he puts his Spirit inside of them so that they can communicate and they can live from the Spirit. Well, that reality is a part of design for family. But what the scripture doesn't necessarily do is give you all the detailed written instructions along with the pictures. At times the Bible's more like an Ikea dresser. If you've ever done anything Ikea...

Warren Mainard: Yes.

Dr. Randy Bixby: ...the pictures are all there. There's not a word in there. And you're like scratching your head thinking...

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: ...I'm not sure exactly how to do it.

Warren Mainard: And it's coming from a different language and a different culture. And you're like...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Right!

Warren Mainard: ...what is this?

Dr. Randy Bixby: But, so what we did is really just wait on... my process for writing, I would go to the Lord, just get in his presence and just say, what do you wanna show me? Where are we going today? And that's how I would write and receive revelation. And so what happens is we began to see these patterns. There is a design to how, and this is the biggest thing, the character and nature, the substance and essence of God himself, who he is. That's what he breathed into Adam and Eve. That's what he wants us to be fruitful with. And that's what we must intentionally and specifically instill in our kids in such a way that they are equipped to instill it in our grandkids, in such a way that they are equipped to instill it in our great grandkids. And what is it? It's the character and nature of God; it's his love, his joy, his peace, his integrity, faith, how to walk in the Spirit, kindness, gentleness, peace, the fruit of the Spirit, the gifts of the Spirit. I know your antsy, but I, it's just a specific way. And so we put this down into modules or tools we call 'em. We got 60 tools in six protocols of how God does family. And so families get to work and they see the picture from scripture, and they see the instructions from these tools, and they go through this experience together and these processes together. And in so doing, they begin to hear God's voice and begin to listen to each other better and begin to forgive each other and be restored and begin to walk by the Spirit. And then they begin to, we do have a whole protocol on identity, which is who am I? Who does God say that I am? And what's the purpose for my family? And how do I know that? And how do I transmit it to my kids in a way? And in a way they know how to do it with their kids. And the ritual pattern after the Shabbat and different things. And I know you, you're ready to go. I just said the, these exercises that God led us to now be, have become what we call the family school. And people can come to the family school and learn how to do family as God designed.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. No, you're, you got it. I'm just waiting for you to get there.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Alright.

Warren Mainard: Well, let me ask you, Lesli, because we're an organization that focuses on men. You know, we say our vision is inspiring men to be great husbands, fathers, and leaders by equipping them to thrive in the relationships that matter most. You made a statement earlier that so goes the family, so goes the culture. And I would even posit that so goes the man, so goes the marriage, so goes the family, so goes the culture. And so we really feel like we're at the tip of the spear when it comes to bringing, you know, a revival to our world today. But this cannot be done without a mutual teamwork approach of husband and wife.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yes.

Warren Mainard: Really serving one another, loving one another, sacrificing for one another. So will you give our men maybe like two or three very practical, but spiritually sound tips or pieces of advice for how they can effectively lead their wives and their families spiritually? Like let's just say that they're starting at ground zero. Like what are like two or three things that you're like, hey, just start here and, and then build from there.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah. I would say start on your knees. Posture yourself in a position to receive the Father's love for you.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yes.

Lesli Bixby: We don't even have the ability to love him back without first receiving his love. So there's your starter. And I will say one thing about the work that's very unique about the Family Reformation Project is it meets families exactly where they're at. It doesn't matter if you're not married yet, or if you've already had kids. Your kids are grown, you're thinking about having kids. It's because it's God's idea. So it works. But when you put yourself in a posture to just really be loved it's, think of it like putting a coffee cup with some coffee grounds under the faucet. You can get in there with a scrub brush and shake it all around and, you know, try to get it clean. But if you'll just be still and let the flow go into that cup, it's gonna bring everything up to the surface. So eventually all that's overflowing out of the top of that cup is what you're pouring into it. And so receive the Father's love. Secondly, I would say learn to listen to God.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah, yeah.

Lesli Bixby: We have a tool that we call 'rule 51'. It's basically listening prayer. It's the prayer of inquiry. It's the kind of praying that King David did. And we pray for many things and it's good, it's good to ask the Lord for things. But what this rule 51 means is that you spend more time asking and then listening to the one who knows everything.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: Instead of telling the one who knows everything, what he should do and how he should do it, and when he should do it. So there is a deep measure of approaching the throne room of God in a place of being loved, but also in a place of humility. We define humility simply as this agreeing with God. The opposite of humility is pride. And pride is just the opposite. It's disagreeing with God. It is, I can do it my way. We often say we want God's will and we do, we want God's will. You know? Yeah. Who doesn't want God's will? The problem is we want God's will our way.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: So again, this is that posturing of, I wanna hear what you have to say. And this is a great practical exercise. And then I'm gonna let Randy take it from here. In this listening prayer modality, it looks something like this: Father, what do you want me to know about my family? What do you want me to know about my family? And listen and write down what you hear. Sometimes people think, well, how do I know it's the voice of God? Well, we have the word of God. That's our litmus. And when you approach the Father in a open-handed way, and you're asking for his heart and his mind, he's gonna give it to you. And I'll pepper this with just a couple of things. If you engage in this and you find that you're not hearing anything, there's three primary reasons why we understand why people aren't hearing from the Lord. One is, is unforgiveness. If you're harboring unforgiveness against God, against somebody else, against yourself, it blocks you from hearing the Lord. The other one is hidden sin. Now I understand some people really struggle with some addictions, right. But when you approach the throne room, you do it from a place of repentance. That doesn't mean you may not engage in that activity again, God knows your heart, but you come in a posture of repentance.

Warren Mainard: Yeah.

Lesli Bixby: And you receive that forgiveness, right? And then sometimes it's as really simple as, we haven't done the last thing God told us to do.

Warren Mainard: Oh, yeah.

Lesli Bixby: That's, I just find that, that that is a surefire way to restart, reignite, realign, receive his love, and get his heart for yourself and your family.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Well, good.

Warren Mainard: That's so good.

Dr. Randy Bixby: I'll add, too. Go ahead.

Warren Mainard: Oh, no, I just, it is, it's beautiful. And it brought to mind this verse from Daniel, Daniel 10:11 says, "and he said to me, O Daniel, man greatly loved..."

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: "...Understand the words that I speak to you and stand upright. For now, I have been sent to you. And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling."

Lesli Bixby: Yes.

Warren Mainard: And I think that that was such a great piece of wisdom, Leslie, that the place for a man to start is to simply just be filled with God's love and to understand his identity as God's beloved. Because we know what 1 John says that, that we love because he first loved us.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: And if we haven't fully come to terms with the fact that God loves us, you know, inexpressibly, how in the world could we pass that love on to the family that he's entrusted to us? So, thank you. That was a powerful word. Yeah. Well...

Dr. Randy Bixby: She's amazing. Can I give you a couple more quick?

Warren Mainard: Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Real quick. You said practical so I couldn't agree more. Start on your knees. Receive. 'Cause part of the, part of the confession that needs to come for men right now, and, and hear this, it's impossible for you to do this alone.

Warren Mainard: Right.

Dr. Randy Bixby: You, apart from God, you can do no thing. And so to think that you can just get better and just work at it is not actually the right way to think. The right way to think is, I admit that in my own strength, I cannot love like God, lead like God in my marriage, my family. And so I must position myself as Lesli said, and receive the ability to be a good husband and a good father and to lead God's way. So that, that's another thing that confession. But family has to happen by revelation. And I'm gonna speak very specifically to men. Men you know that you're the head of your home. What does that mean? Well, one of the definitions for head means, just like father - source. Think of the head of a stream. It's where the stream starts. It's the beginning, it's the head. And so I would say this, men, it's vitally important that you take personal responsibility for you and for the head of your home and your generations when it's your time on the clock. And in that you number one, seek God with all your heart for what is his design for family. You, you said it. How do I make this dresser if I don't have pictures or instructions? I don't know what that looks like. So, but there is a way we, we've detailed it in great details as far as we can. But even with that, you must get this by revelation. God's the author of the family and he'll give you his plan. But men, if you want to fall on your knees, confess, you can't do it apart from God and go to him and recognize who he made you, you're the source. And so your responsibility is to go to God, get his picture for family, and then get his way for family. And here's the thing, then it requires intentionality. And this is the biggest word. The last thing I'll share, I can share a lot more. But it men, your family is not just gonna be okay, just 'cause you love the Lord. Your family's not just gonna be okay. What it requires is from God in God's strength and with God's Spirit inside of you, not on your own. You must be intentional about transferring the character and nature of God into yourself, your spouse. And Lesli has a responsibility in this too. You mentioned it takes both a hundred percent in agreement to get the full flow, but it has to start somewhere. Some single parent actor. Well, I don't have a husband, I don't have a wife. So, well, it starts with you, each of us. And but here if we'll be intentional, and that's what the whole work is. It is doing with God, strength and him, intentional exercise to know who I am, why I'm here, what it's about. How to be like God, how to be holy, be righteous, be loving, be kind and then how to think and agree with God's thinking around life and family and the world. And then out of that belief, guess what, as a person believes in their hearts, so are they our behaviors and our emotions and life. Proverbs 4:23 says, flows from us. Guard your heart above all things, for out of it flow the issues of life. And so the heart, it's inside out transformation. The heart must change into agreement with God. That's called repentance, right? I repent of thinking differently than you, God. And I agree with you now and I, and I'm gonna live that way. But there, here's the thing. Having a powerful family, teaching your kids how to be filled with God and teaching them how to do it generationally is not a mystery. It's not impossible. It, there is a roadmap and it's the Bible and it's in God. But in that there is, there's very specific strategies and practices that we can do that everybody that listening today can do it.

Lesli Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: Wow.

Dr. Randy Bixby: With God and their families can be restored and reformed.

Warren Mainard: Yeah. Yeah. We, one of the things we talk about is 10 characteristics of an IMPACT Player is one of those is intentional leadership and...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Couldn't agree more.

Warren Mainard: We tell men, you know, that you are called to be a thermostat, not a thermometer. There's too much reacting and just reflecting the culture and the issues in our world today, instead of setting the temperature on Christ in your home, in your marriage, in your workplace, in your church.

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah, good.

Warren Mainard: So I love that idea of just, you know, part of what God's calling men to do is to be intentional and responsible for...

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: ...setting the temperature wherever they are. So guys, as we wrap up, 'cause I know you have other things you need to work on, how can our men, our listeners, engage with you, follow your work, find out more about the Family Reformation Project?

Dr. Randy Bixby: Yeah, thank you. We have a podcast as well, Transforming Families with Randy and Lesli on all your major podcast platforms. Our website is winthefamily.org. And I wanna encourage you, we have, besides the book and the equipping, we have what we call family school. We have what we call 'the tribe,' a community of people that if you're interested in just looking at that, that's tribefamily.org. You can find that. And yeah, it's just our delight to, anything we can do to partner with you, Warren, and what you're doing. And same thing with what you're doing, we are getting you out to our people so that they can have good resources. And we're just grateful to be with you today.

Warren Mainard: Yes, absolutely. Well, Randy, Lesli, what a pleasure. You guys are doing amazing, amazing things to bless men, to bless women, families, children, generations to come. I know you're getting ready to travel to Asia and you'll be over there doing work in the days ahead. So just bless you and all that you're doing. Thank you for being a part of this podcast. For all of our men who are listening, thank you for being a part of the IMPACT Players Linking Shields community. We hope that you've been encouraged by this. If this blesses you, if this is encouraging you to you share this podcast with those around you, like, subscribe, do all those social media things, but be engaged. 'Cause we wanna help you thrive in the relationships that matter most. And that doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in community. So thank you guys. Thank you, Dr. Randy and Lesli. God bless you and we will catch you guys next time.