“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.“ - John 15:13.

At the heart of the Band of Brothers ethic is sacrificial friendship. Men who are so committed to the mission and to one another that they would be willing to die for one another. No enemy can defeat an army of men who love each other this way, but it is very rare in our me-first, self-focused culture.

Guys want deep, meaningful friendships that risk little and cost nothing. Friendship doesn’t work that way. Sacrifice is the currency of intimacy. Where there is no sacrifice, there will be little depth in your friendships. Here are 7 Keys to learning how to practice sacrificial friendship. The more you practice these with other men, the more you will see them begin to define the culture of your band of brothers.

1.  Don’t keep score - “I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls.” - 2 Corinthians 12:15. When friends keep score, everyone loses. Gladly give more than you receive in your friendships and don’t wait for friends to pay you back. A sacrificial friend is a generous friend.
2.  Don’t keep a record of wrongs - “[Love] ... keeps no account of wrongs...” - 1 Corinthians 13:5 Once a sin or an offense has been reconciled and the friendship has been restored, move forward and leave the past behind you. Bringing up a friends failures, or continuing to talk about the wounds he caused you is a selfish and unloving form of manipulation.
3.  Don’t hold grudges or become bitter - “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” - 1 Peter 4:8 The closer you get to a friend, the more you see their flaws and the more you may be hurt by them. This is not about permitting abuse or toxic behavior, but incidental hurts and “friendly fire” come with the territory of deep friendships. Let it go.
4.  Don’t gossip - “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” - Proverbs 16:28 It has been said that relationships move at the speed of trust, and nothing sends a friendship back to square one more quickly than a betrayal of trust through gossip. Commit to confidentiality.
5.  Forgive graciously - “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” - Colossians 3:13 Great friends are not flawless; they are just quick to repent and even quicker to forgive.
6.  Remain loyal - “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” - Proverbs 17:17 When the S!!! hits the fan, a sacrificial friend sticks around to clean up the mess. When a friend screws up royally or goes through hell, stay by his side and walk through the fire with him.
7.  Invite Accountability - “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” - Proverbs 27:17 Iron cannot sharpen iron without creating a few sparks. Accountability can be difficult to give and receive, but true friends cares enough about each other to say what needs to be said.

 You don’t just wake up one day and become a sacrificial friend. This is a gauntlet you must run through and a refiner’s fire you must endure. Every friendship obstacle and breakdown is an opportunity to learn and grow in the practice of friendship. In this way, you are learning to become more like Jesus, the perfect example of sacrificial friendship.

Finding Your Band of Brothers: Forging Deep Friendships in a Shallow World is a new IMPACT Cohort study for men who want to grow as husbands, fathers, and leaders. If you are a man who believes that forging deep friendships is important, we encourage you to join or start an IMPACT Cohort and participate in this 7 week study. Take action here.