When it comes to mourning, grief, and sorrow, there is no one size fits all formula. Every man is going to process the death of a loved one in different ways, timetables, and expressions. While different, grieving men consider how and when to call upon the following relationships and resources for care. Whatever you do, do not do it alone!

1. Solitude with God
   Action Steps: Pray, Read Scripture, Pour your emotions and questions out to God.
2. Heart to Heart with Bride
   Action Steps: Go for a walk with your bride and share your heart with her and let her do likewise.
3. Pastoral Counsel
   Action Steps: Set up a time with a Pastor or Spiritual mentor to help you frame your thoughts Biblically and for spiritual encouragement.
4. Band of Brothers
   Action Steps: Share with your men’s group what you are experiencing and ask for help, wisdom, prayer, and encouragement.
5. Level 5 Friend(s)
   Action Steps: If you have things you need to share or confess that require high trust, reach out to your most trusted friends.
6. Professional Mental Health
   Action Steps: Set up an appointment with a professional mental health counselor and open yourself up to his care.
7. Personal Reflection
   Action Steps: Journal your thoughts and experiences or write a letter to a loved one you have lost, expressing your feelings and memories.

Isolation and coping will lead to depression and despair. Instead of pulling away from others in sorrow and pushing down your emotions, invite others into the grief and embrace the grieving process. Men who do not grieve well will ultimately find unhealthy ways to cope with their sorrow (alcohol, pornography, workaholism, gambling, an affair, self-harm, etc). Grieving well and in community is a much healthier expression of manhood than “toughing it out.”

Looking at the diagram above of resources and relationships, are there any that seem to be missing from your life? For instance, do you have a Pastor? Do you have a Level 5 Friend, Band of Brothers, etc? What proactive steps could you take now to be better prepared for a season of sorrow in the future?

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