Warren Mainard: Hello and welcome to the IMPACT Players Linking Shields podcast and...
Ethan Hare: The Reality Shift podcast.
Warren Mainard: My name is Warren Mainard. With me today is my good friend Ethan Hare. We decided to take our two podcasts, bring 'em together, do one podcast together, share them on each of our platforms. IMPACT Players is all about inspiring men to be great husbands, fathers, and leaders by equipping them to thrive in the relationships that matter most. And Ethan, you as a young man also have a passion for manhood, for masculinity, for young men and what they can learn from older leaders as well. So this is an awesome opportunity for us to come together, to learn from one another, to share what some of our struggles are, and hopefully to walk away from this podcast really feeling a little bit more encouraged and equipped for how we can as men of different ages and in different generations, link shields together to help really change the game in our culture. So tell me a little bit about you and the Reality Shift Podcast and why you decided as an 18-year-old young man to start this podcast.
Ethan Hare: Yeah, man. Well, thank you first for having me on here. And I think this is a brilliant idea of joining the two podcasts together for one episode. I think it'll be fun 'cause there's similar missions with both the communities. So yeah, I think two years ago I chose to follow Christ and I grew up in the church. It was a normal thing. I went to private Christian school for a couple years. So I knew all the facts, all the statistics. I could ramble 'em off for you. I was great at memorizing, but I just never had that connection with the Lord. Then fast forward to when I was about 12 and I was at youth camp and it was a Thursday night, the notorious Thursday night. And all of a sudden I like, just felt some feeling that I need to like, choose to follow Christ. So I said, you know what I like prayed a prayer and I was like, Lord, I choose to follow you with my whole heart, my life. And the then the youth pastor's, like, if anyone wants to choose to follow Christ, you wanna come up here so we can pray for you. So like, I decided to go up and then afterward they pray for us. Afterward, they're like, if you wanna get baptized, let us know. And I was like, I don't wanna go in front of a bunch of people. That's too scary.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: Someday when I'm 15. So then a year or two later rolls around and then I'm 15. And I was like, eh, maybe when I'm 16. And I was like, maybe I'll have the courage then. So then when I was 16, I was like, I don't know. And I was like, maybe when I'm 17. So then I get, that spring and I would spend, spending more and more time in God's word. 'Cause that was something I always struggled with was spending time in God's word like day and night as the Lord commands us to. And as I started spending more and more time in God's Word, I just felt commanded that I need to... the Lord gave me a strength and a courage to start telling people about the gospel. And I didn't feel ashamed anymore of my faith. And so that made me realize, hey, I want to get baptized and proclaim that I chose to follow the Lord.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: So that spring rolled around, Easter was coming up and I was like, I wanna get baptized. So I did. It was awesome. A lot of fun. You were there. It was awesome.
Warren Mainard: Oh yeah.
Ethan Hare: So it was a great experience. I'll never forget it. It was like a new birthday basically. So that, and then about that next year, I remember everyone always telling me that becoming a Christian, it's not easy. You know, like, you always think it's gonna get easy, but it's always gonna be worse. And I was like, yeah, but that's you. You're just projecting on me. I'm Ethan Hare, I'm different, you know?
Warren Mainard: The Ethan Hare.
Ethan Hare: I'm the Ethan Hare, I'm different, you know, I've always been that way. I'm just thinking at the time. And then, the next year was probably one of the hardest, like years of my life. I was like, okay, maybe I should have calmed it down a little bit. And then this last year though, as I started spending time in God's word daily, specifically this past couple months, I spent time in God's word almost every single day. I think I missed a couple days here and there, which that sounds great and all, but it doesn't matter unless the Lord's trying to speak through you and all these different things. And if your faith's not growing. And so I had this vision during the summer. I love to spend time in nature. As I was telling you earlier, I just went on a hike up Mount Si or run up Mount Si, just so, that's where the Lord speaks through me, is through other people in my life, mentors, and then also when I'm in nature. So when I have no noises around me, I'm just in the silence and peace. Just me and God. And as I started to spend more and more time with him, I felt like he wanted me to create a community and use the people and the connections I have in my life as, tools basically and provide advice to younger men and older men as well. In a generation and in a world where being Christian is looked down upon, we're heavily persecuted and probably the most we've ever seen in all of history. But yet we have the greatest opportunity to bring the gospel to the world and become leaders and separate. There's the greatest opportunity, but also the greatest amount of persecution probably since, well, definitely since the Lord was like, Jesus was on earth in my opinion. And so I started doing that and then I started having mentors and talking to them, and they're like, yeah, that sounds great. And I started doing it and I was like, but I'm 18 though. Why would anyone wanna listen to me? And I was like, you know what, maybe no one wants to listen to me, but I feel like the Lord's telling me to. So I was like, we'll just start getting around. And then I started procrastinating. I was supposed to start in August, and this is an old habit of mine. So I started procrastinating and then finally it came to December, and I was like, you know what, screw it. I'll pull the plug on it. And so I pulled out a trailer that went really good. And then, it was heavily edited, but I just got it out there. Then from there, we had the podcast like a couple weeks ago, then this one, and then one next week. And so it's started to spiral. And the Lord's opened doors where I thought there would be people that I would try to ask like, Hey, do you wanna be on the podcast? And I thought they would never say yes. And it made me realize that I can't doubt what the Lord is capable of.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: And so, yeah, I think the Lord gave me a vision for a community ultimately, and this is only a start of it, in my opinion, and the podcast is an outlet.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: To have a good input in people's head of the word and spending time around other brothers and sisters and, well, specifically brothers. This is for men, the community. And to have them become better fathers, better leaders, sons of God, and help them achieve the visions that God has put them in their life, and overcome a temptation through help and all these different things, that's the goal. And so the, the podcast is one way to do that.
Warren Mainard: Yeah. I love that. You know, it takes a lot to get something like this started. And one thing I know about you, Ethan, is that you, you've got a willingness to do hard things. Like you, you talked about running up Mount Si like most people don't wake up and say, Hey, today I think I'm gonna run up Mount Si. You know, you're willing to take the lead and speak at youth group, which you're doing on Sunday night. You were willing to do that hard thing and to make that decision to come to Christ as a 12-year-old, to be baptized in front of a bunch of peers and strangers. And you and I got to do a hard thing together. Just this past November when we ran, we both ran our first marathon together.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: And, we trained together for that marathon. And, you know, like that definitely.... Well, I won't speak for you, but that pushed me in ways that I definitely could not have imagined, but I think it's a great metaphor for what we're really talking about today, which is really like, how do we run this race together in a way where we're really like encouraging one another, inspiring one another, saying hey, don't give up. Take another step, get back up, get back in the race. And so, like, let's just talk about that a little bit. Like, you talked about being a young man, feeling like as a Christian you're under persecution and probably there are people who have lived at different eras and felt very similar to that. Certainly we're in a culture right now where being a young Christian man in particular, you know, kind of puts you square in the bullseye of what a lot of people think the problem with the world is. And what I'm here to say, and I think what you're here to say is that young Christian men or Christian men in general are not the problem. We've been called to step into the problem and to help change the narrative, change the story and help be the solution for the things that are broken in our culture today. So talk a little bit about living in Seattle, Washington, being a Christian young man. What is it like to be a young man in this day and age?
Ethan Hare: I think being a Christian, as a young man in this day and age, there's temptations, there's two, there's two like ways to look at it. Two lenses. You could look at it, we could look into the negative or the positive. So we could start with the negative 'cause that, that's where our mind's necessarily like straight up go to always. So we have temptation going at us from our phones to computers to your tv, everything. From like Instagram, just, TikTok to Snapchat - dopamine, it's like a dopamine waterfall. Everything is around you. It's basically against you. And as a Christian, when you're in a world that's directly against you, and it's always been like that since the beginning. But right now, with everyone so connected, it makes it so easy for persecution to happen. So especially just as men in general with masculinity that's being attacked, being men, it's looked down upon, and being like a leader in society that's looked down upon. And so as young men nowadays, the problem is who are our role models? Who can we look to? And so a lot of things, and I've seen this amongst a lot of my peers, is we go to people that look like superheroes. 'Cause before in the seventies, you had Arnold, you had like Rocky...
Warren Mainard: Chuck Norris.
Ethan Hare: Chuck Norris. Man, that guy. Dude, that man was a legend.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: So you had Chuck Norris, you had Arnold, and you had Rocky.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: And seeing those guys, it was good to be and cool to be a man. You're like, I'm gonna be a man. I'm gonna go out and do hard things. Now I wouldn't say that's necessarily being a man, I think that's just doing masculine things. But still it was, there was those role models. Nowadays in our generation, there's really nothing like that. The only thing you could really compare it to would be the Tate brothers, whether you like 'em or not, it's, I think they're a negative role model in my opinion. They have some good messages, but the majority of it is bad in a negative, like, in my opinion. And so from what I've seen, and that's really the only role model you have. And so you have a lot of men that think it's great to sleep with a bunch of women, be around a bunch of women. Your goal is to make a lot of money, sleep with a bunch of women. And it's great to get in great shape. Like I a hundred percent agree with that. You're supposed to take care of your body. That's actually a speech that I'm studying all year for and giving at the end of the school year in front of the entire school is on taking care of your body. So that's great thing.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: But trying to, and this has become a thing of the red pill, blue pill, black pill society of I can go and like, mess with all these women, sleep with them, I'm a man, all these different things like that. And the problem is, that's not rooted in the Lord. That's not what the Lord wants for you. That's not God's plan. And that's not from God's word or from the Lord. And the problem that men have, specifically the youth, is there's no role models.
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: And right now in this generation, I think, I can't speak for the generation before me or the one before that, the fathers that have come before me. But there's not a lot of discipleship that happens. So after you choose to fall Christ, then it's like, yeah, you're a Christian now and then you spend time in your word and all these different things, but then there's a lack of discipleship there.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: And so you really have to be the one, as a young man that's hunting the discipleship out, going and asking guys: hey, can you mentor me? Can you mentor me? Can you disciple me? And so I think that's one of the things in the church that we could do better, discipling young men and having them in, joining them basically to another man and saying, hey, this is a guy you can look up to. And I think also a problem that falls into it, specifically in my generation, is the divorce rate's over 50%. And so half of all, and so that's 50% right there. And then like 15 to 20% of marriages just stay together just 'cause of the kids and whatnot. So there's not even a great marriage there. So you have 50 to 75% of all marriages aren't great in the first place.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: And so a lot of young men, they don't have... fatherlessness is a massive thing nowadays.
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: So you don't have that strong masculine figure in your life. And so you go out and try to fill that void and fill that there. 'Cause usually in a healthy family, healthy relationship with your father, you look at your father as like the guy, or like, not necessarily, sometimes it's your hero, sometimes it's just your protector, your provider.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: Like, that's a cool guy right there. I don't, you might not necessarily want to be him, but you're like, that's a guy that could be like.
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: Or have similar things as him. Like, I like that. And that's a good role model for you. And so I think that's where mentorship comes in. That's where discipleship comes in. In a society and a culture and an age when fatherlessness is so high and there's a lack of role models. The brothers in Christ, The elders need to step up and their, in their role with younger men.
Warren Mainard: Yeah. Yeah, and I think, you know, that's what's cool about like this conversation that we're having, because for me, what I do with IMPACT Players is I work with men, really anywhere from like 24 years old up to 84. But I would say a large contingent of the men that I work with are like, between the ages of like 30 and 50. And so they're married, they're having kids, and they've got kids. And what I've found is that a lot of the men that I meet are themselves feeling like they're broken. They're feeling like they have never had that mentor. A lot of the men didn't have a dad in their lives when they were growing up. And so they're kind of saying, like I need somebody to mentor me before I can mentor somebody else,. I don't feel like I'm qualified. I'm divorced or my marriage is struggling, or I'm struggling with pornography. Who am I to invest in somebody else? You know, one of the things that I always tell men, and this kind of an age old example, but, I always tell men that that all of us in our lives should have a Timothy, a Barnabas, and a Paul. And that Timothy is that younger man that you can invest in, that you can share whatever life examples and stories and experience that you've, you know, accumulated, whether you're 18 or 85. Everybody needs to have a Barnabas that's like just a buddy that's an encourager. Somebody that understands what you're going through. And then everybody needs to have a Paul, an older mentor. And so, even though I'm 48, I've got guys in my life who are in their fifties, sixties, seventies, and eighties who are pouring into me because I don't have all the answers either. But I look back on when I was 19 years old, I became a youth pastor at 19, you know, and I didn't know what I was doing, but I had some mentors...
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: ...who, like, anytime I didn't know what I was thinking or talking about, or didn't understand a certain thing from the Bible that I was gonna be teaching about or whatever, I could go to those leaders, ask them for advice, ask them for wisdom, they'd gimme what I need, and then I could kind of go then and pass it on to someone else. So like, if you were to kind of imagine there's a group of guys that are listening to this podcast and they're in their forties, maybe they're in their fifties, and they're saying like, hey, what can I do to help guys your age? guys, like, you know, say 15 to 25, what can I do to help guys your age when I don't feel like I'm like this awesome mentor, but I want to be. I wanna invest, I wanna make a difference. What are just some simple ways that you think older guys could take a step to pour into your generation?
Ethan Hare: One of the things I would say is just to encourage you, brothers, as you guys are listening, is no matter the moment where you're in, I've had mentors that were struggling from pornography to divorces to everything, you name it. But one of the things that remained consistent is their relationship with me in my life. And so the thing that matters is that the man that you're pouring into, the young man that you're pouring into sees that you're striving to be the best version of yourself and the best version that God creates you to be. As humans, we're going and as children of God, we're going to be struggling. We're going to be sinning. Everyone has that. Now, you might be saying, well, I have it worse than another person. I've had mentors that have gone through some really crazy stuff. And I'm not gonna say what you're dealing with is not like, not bad. But one of the things is no matter what goes on, is pouring into that young man consistently. One of the things young men look for specifically in mentors, is they don't want, they don't want their dad. They don't want their dad telling them, you're doing this wrong or you're doing that. There comes a time and a place...
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: ...but for you as older men, the thing that younger men are looking for is advice. They come to you and be like: hey, I'm struggling with this. I'm dealing with this. What can I do to get out of this? How can I improve? How can I change?
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: That's what young men are looking for, is they want connection, they want advice, and they want consistency in their life with men that they can trust and they can, have people hold them accountable. That's where a mentor comes into place. That's what your role would be as a mentor.
Warren Mainard: Yeah. What I love about that is that really, anybody can do that. Like, you didn't say, oh, you need to know the Bible frontward or backward. You need to be able to bench press 300 pounds. You don't need to be able to like, you know, be this perfect example of how to raise your kids or how to love your wife. We're all gonna fall short. And I think like one of the characteristics we talk about, the 10 characteristics of an IMPACT Player, one of those characteristics is audacious authenticity.
Ethan Hare: Yes, sir.
Warren Mainard: So just being like so authentic that it helps the younger man realize, oh wow, I can be honest about what I'm struggling with because this guy that I look up to, like he's being more honest than I ever thought he would ever be and that, that has a powerful effect on someone. So I love the way you put that. That's great. And I guess, you know, the kind of the flip side of that is most of the time an older man is not going to go to a younger man to ask him to mentor him. That's not generally the role.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: But there are things that younger men can teach older men. There are things that older men can learn from the younger generation. So maybe like what are some things that you feel like, hey, like guys my age can kind of help bring to the table. Whether it's just a unique perspective, maybe it's like some skills in technology or social media, or whatever that might be. But just like what would be some of the things that a guy my age would benefit from by having a mentor relationship with a younger man?
Ethan Hare: Yeah. I think it's, I wouldn't say it's a difficult question, but it's a question that definitely makes me think. It's a really, really good question. I think, going back to when I was 12, I was a part of this group where there was a bunch of people. I was the only, I was the youngest person I think by like 20 years. I did not fit there at all. And the, we had one guy who's now become a close friend and a mentor of mine. He's 60, 61.Aand then there was another guy, he had kids, his kids were already past the age of 30. They were already twice my age at that point. So I felt like I had nothing that I could bring to the table. There was another guy that was going through a divorce at that time, and I felt like I had nothing that I could do. I couldn't help there. And what, one of the things over the years and now talking to those brothers, since then, there was a couple things that they brought up that they said I added to the group at that age. Which now looking back, I realize I did. And I think all young men can do this is their level of energy, as Jesus tells us when he took the child onto his lap and said, "Have the faith of this little one here. And whoever, like helps this one into the kingdom," I'm really misquoting it, but...
Warren Mainard: You're pretty good. You're pretty close.
Ethan Hare: Yeah. And so, but he says like, have the faith of like this little one here. And I think that's one of the things there, is talking back to those mentors when I was in that group, now talking back to 'em 6, 5, 6 years later, one of the things they said is seeing my faith is when I was little, in comparison, is they saw that I trusted in God completely. And my energy level also is... younger guys, they're full energy. And there's almost like an innocence to them where like, I can conquer the world and it revitalizes you.
Warren Mainard: That's right.
Ethan Hare: Like, I have older mentors right now, and I have like kids, like youth that I'm pouring into as well, currently. So I have my own Timothy, I have my Barnabas, I have my guys, and I have my mentors as well. And so one of the things is they're, they energize you. They have faith like nothing else. And they're fun to be around. You think, oh, your buddies and friends are fun until you hang out with kids and they're super energetic. They run around you.
Warren Mainard: Yep.
Ethan Hare: And you have a lot of fun. You're like, okay, well that's great and all. I have my own kids, so why would I need more kids in my life?
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: That's one of the things that I've had other men, like that's one of their main arguments against it. One of the things to that I would say is it is a completely different relationship to it.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: It's one of the things I remember when I first had my first, first mentor. I was like, this guy's like over twice my age. And one of the things when I was talking to him now looking back, he says, like, I didn't want to have it where I was trying to be your father. I wasn't trying to tell you have to do it this way, or you don't have to do it that way. One of the things that's good is a young man will come to you for advice. He won't come for you for direction. Sometimes he might falsely come to you for direction, but it'll come to you for advice. And so your child will come to you for direction and you'll have to discipline your child. You won't have to discipline the kid you mentor. And I think that's one of the things there is, the key difference is the energy that you experience from the person you mentor.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: And the fact that they have an openhearted, heartedness, they want to see you. Sometimes your kid does not want to be around you at all. Well, they don't even think you're cool. The person you're mentoring...
Warren Mainard: I'm not like most dads, I'm a cool dad.
Ethan Hare: Yeah, you are. I actually agree with that about that. I don't know if Micah a hundred percent agrees with that. I think he thinks you're a cool dad, but... I mean, I've ran a marathon with you. Not many dads can say they've ran a marathon. So that's pretty cool, in my opinion. But one of the things I would say is the difference is you're not, it's not your kid. The the person wants to see you. They're eager to see you.
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: They want your advice.
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: They want to learn from your experiences. They want to hear how God has worked in your life. They want to be with you.
Warren Mainard: Yeah. That's a key. I like that. And, you know, just that desire to grow. Sometimes it feels like as a parent, you're like, man, I have all this stuff I wanna tell you, but you don't wanna hear it. You know, you've got your headphones in, you're looking at a screen.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: So like when somebody says, "Hey, I want you to mentor me," what they're doing is they're kind of saying, like Jesus said, "He who has eyes and ears, let him see and hear." And I think a mentor and a mentee relationship is a young man saying, "Hey, I have eyes to see, and ears to hear what you want to tell me." And that's a pretty exciting thing when you get in that opportunity. So here's what I wanna do. I realized that like, as an older man, my typical mentality is to get into the driver's seat and just drive the car, right? Because I've been driving a lot longer than you, but...
Ethan Hare: That is true.
Warren Mainard: Here's what I wanna do, is I wanna undo my seatbelt. I wanna get out of the driver's seat. I want you to come into the driver's seat now of this podcast. I'm gonna sit in the passenger seat, and I want you to drive the next 20 minutes or so of our time together with whatever things you wanna talk about, questions that you have. But, you know, from here on out, you're driving this podcast forward.
Ethan Hare: Great. Took the steering wheel, we're gonna turn in the keys hook off the parking break. We're in full drive. Let's go baby.
Warren Mainard: Here we go.
Ethan Hare: Yeah, we'll turn on some like Lenny Kravitz or something.
Warren Mainard: Okay, okay.
Ethan Hare: Or get back to your age, you know. Yeah. So one of my questions for you, I think, and this goes along with being a mentor, is when you have, what is one of the downfalls you've had in the past with trying to mentor young men? As... there's that young man out there that is wanting someone to mentor him, or he's currently having someone, well, specifically if a man is having someone mentor him. What are one of the things and the mistakes you've seen young men do when you've tried to mentor them or you've seen other young men make when they have someone pouring into them?
Warren Mainard: Yeah, that's a great question because I have had the opportunity to mentor lots and lots of young men over the years. And I would say like maybe three big things that that can kind of cause a mentor relationship to just fizzle out. One is a lack of consistency. So you talked about, you know, as a older man being consistent. And that goes both ways. So if it's kind of like, hey, we're gonna get together on Mondays at 5:00 PM every week. And, one of the people, let's say the younger man keeps saying, hey, I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm out. You know, at some point you start to wonder, hey, does this guy really want this? Does he really value this time? Because essentially when a younger man comes to an older man and says, "Hey, will you mentor me?" What he's saying is, "I want you to invest your time and your wisdom and experience into me." And that's a great gift that a mentor can give to a younger man. But if that gift is kind of not appreciated or it's taken for granted, then that can kind of cause a mentor relationship to fizzle out. I would say the second thing is, like you were talking about, like the mentor is not the dad.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: Like, if I'm mentoring you, I'm not your dad. And the good news about that is that you don't have to quote unquote, worry about disappointing me the way that maybe you worry about disappointing your real dad or the dad figure in your life. So like, I want you as the younger man to be authentic and to share your struggle. And even if we've talked about one struggle multiple times and you've said, this is it. I'm gonna do it. I'm not gonna do this anymore. You know, and then you come back and you're like, I did it again. One of the reasons why people can kind of quit on a relationship is they feel like I've fallen down one too many times. I've disappointed my mentor, and he doesn't, he's not gonna want to see me anymore. But just realize that the key to a great mentor mentee relationship is grace and authenticity. Because that's what Jesus gave to us, is that amazing grace. And then I think, the third challenge for mentor and a mentee relationship is really just about kind of making sure that you have some good parameters and purpose to what you're doing. And so like, what I mean by parameters and purpose is that there is a time and a place for getting together with an older man and just kind of shooting the bull for a couple hours. But I think when you're really talking about mentoring, you're kind of saying like, hey, there are some things that I'm trying to learn from you. There are some areas in my life I'm trying to grow in. There's some things I'm trying to overcome. And let's get really focused about that. So we may take a few minutes to kind of shoot the bull and talk about the Washington Husky football team, or why the Seattle Mariners can never seem to win or get their act together.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: But you really want to try to like, get into the heart of what are we here about? And if it is like, hey, I want to grow as a man. I want to, you know, I wanna figure out what my purpose in life is. I want to become a better follower of Jesus. I wanna learn how to be a leader of my peers. I wanna learn how to be successful in real estate. You know, whatever that is, identify the purpose and kind of set the parameters so that you can really get the most out of that relationship. And also so that the older mentor can feel like, okay, I'm giving him something that's gonna really help him. And I'm not just kind of wasting my, not that like any time spent together is not valuable, but I'm not like wasting my time just kind of goofing around with somebody. So I think that's the key is like... when I was, I'll just, I'll share a quick story. Like when I was 16 years old, kind of like you, God got ahold of my life in a powerful way, and I was on fire for Christ, and I felt like God was calling me to become a youth pastor, which I did. I became a youth pastor at 19 years old. So I started going to my youth pastor's office once a week, and we would spend a couple hours together, and it was really all focused around this purpose of me wanting to figure out how to become the kind of man, the kind of leader who could become a youth pastor. And so some of it was like studying the Bible. Some of it was memorizing scripture, but other times it was like, hey, let's go clean out the youth van after a crazy youth weekend that we just came back from. Or let's go run to Target and get supplies for the games on Wednesday night. Let's go and like get the youth room set up for youth group tomorrow night, whatever that might be. But we, while we were doing these things together, he was pouring into me and my youth pastor was showing me what does it look like to be a youth pastor. So even at 19 like, I kind of had in my mind like a template of how do I do a, how do I do a good youth ministry. And it was really just like, I'm just gonna do what I saw Mark do and what he taught me to do. So I think that's a specific example, but that can apply to a lot of different areas of life.
Ethan Hare: Okay. So consistency and purpose and parameters. Well, consistency, purpose plus parameters equals...
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: ...good mentorship.
Warren Mainard: And just not getting discouraged by failure.
Ethan Hare: Okay.
Warren Mainard: So you're going to fail and you're gonna fail again, and you're gonna fail again. But don't let that failure keep you from meeting with your mentor regularly.
Ethan Hare: Yeah. I've... the first one with, well, with the consistency that convicted me. And then there's something two weeks ago where I have a mentor for real estate specifically, and I felt, two mentors and, but they're both combined in it and pouring into me on this. And I felt, that I had stumbled. And so I like talked to 'em and I was like, I'm sorry, man. They're like, at the end of the day, you're not my wife. You're not my kids. They just told me blunt. And they're like, you're, I love you apologizing and thank you for coming straight with me. But even though you failed, you're not in my circle of influence necessarily. I'm pouring into you, but you're not my family. You're not my kids. And so it doesn't directly affect me, but thank you for letting me know still. And one of the things is I felt discouraged. I was like, I don't think I can, have these people pour into me. I felt, I actually told them, I was like, hey, it's fine if you're pissed off at me and you don't wanna pour into me anymore. And like, dude, it doesn't matter. You're like, you're 18. You're way into the game in this direction. I was like, oh, okay. And they like reframe the mindset. And that's one of the things I think is important...
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: ...with the mentors is they shift and reframe your mindset and they help you understand a vision that sometimes you can't see. And that's how God speaks through us. And I think when you spend consistently through and, in those relationships and you have that purpose and you say, hey, we're gonna talk about this. We're gonna spend time talking about the word, or talking about being a youth pastor, then God blesses that and turns it into a gift, and it helps both of you guys. I think that's a beautiful thing that God has allowed in the world.
Warren Mainard: Yeah. Yeah. You know, one other thing I'll just say too is over the course of your life, you're gonna have mentors and mentees that just kind of come in and they walk with you, and then they come out.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: And like, that's normal. That's okay. Like, Maybe you might have somebody that's your mentor for 70 years, but most likely it's somebody that's in your life for a season and they may kind of slide out of your life in that direct mentor relationship. But don't let that wound your soul or cause you to feel like they've let you down or betrayed you. Just be grateful for that season that you got to have them. I mean, just remember like, Luke only got like two sessions with Yoda before Yoda was gone, but Yoda changed his life, right? I mean...
Ethan Hare: Yeah, yeah.
Warren Mainard: So not every mentor mentee relationship's gonna be a lifetime contract, and that's okay. And so I'm just like, I'm grateful for the guys that have slid into my life for a while. And then maybe they've moved away, or their career changed, or whatever. They went to school and like, I'm just grateful that I got to have that year or 18 months or three years with that guy. And, and it's cool when like 10 years later he calls you and says, hey, now I'm mentoring someone else and I'm telling him the same things you told me. And so those are just things to kind of remember as well, is that like, it's not always a lifetime type of deal.
Ethan Hare: Yeah. I... conviction with that one as well. I remember like couple years, I think it was like two years ago, I was like, why are these people coming in and outta my life? They were like my mentors. And I was like, something's wrong. They're supposed to be staying around forever. And I realized, I was like, that's not humans, how humans operate. It's the same thing with friends.
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: Is you're not gonna have, you might have two friends from high school that you still spend time with after you graduate high school. And you'll spend more time with your college friends, but even then you won't have many college friends. And most of the time they're people in your life or season. And I thought at the time, that they're supposed to stay with you forever. Which, it's a childish mindset, but it's, that's shows also you the innocence of the childlike mind. And then you start to grow, you start to realize and God opens your vision in terms of how the world works, which I think is pretty funny. But...
Warren Mainard: Yeah, I mean, there's two ways you can look at it, is you can get cynical and just be like, why should I invest in you or let you invest in me 'cause you're not gonna be around two years from now, or 10 years from now. Or you can be grateful and say like, man, like this guy's investing in me. I don't know how long it'll last, but like for as long as it does last, I'm gonna soak it up and be thankful for it.
Ethan Hare: Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah, I think with the cynic mindset, and it's very prevalent among like my generation, is why would I even want to go out to like ask a mentor or talk to that cute girl or something like that. Why would you want to, when everyone, when I can stay at home and play video games, or I can look at porn, why would I want to? And even then there's all this stuff on social media that you see of like women rejecting men or all this stuff. And so you think, and you have this fear that comes from it as well. And one of the biggest lessons I learned in the last year, my life has changed dramatically in the last year specifically because of this one thing is I realized where there's the fear. That's where you want to dive in. Where the fear is, that's where you should jump in. Jump in over the edge head first and go in towards that fear 'cause God will work through you in that. That's the place where you can grow. And for example, I was always scared of running in the dark growing up. And so for me, I was like, okay, we're gonna make it a rule two times a week, I go and run out from Fall City to Carnation in the back. It's pitch black out there. There's five farms, there's no light at the out there at all. I don't even wear headlamp 'cause I can't see that wall with the headlamp anyway. And so that made me grow into the fear. I was scared of running in the dark. So I said, hey, let's just jump head first. And that actually grew my faith a lot. And so one of the things for people, especially Gen Z, is we're scared to talk to people and get out of our box that people we don't know. And I think one of the things with mentorship is it grows you so much, and the reward is way higher than the risk with talking to people and getting outside your box and trying something new. 'Cause mentorship is definitely something new and unique nowadays. Specifically. It's not that common, but yet it has such a beautiful and massive benefit to both parties involved.
Warren Mainard: Yeah. I love that idea of just like leaning into your fear 'cause like if you fear rejection, then the easiest thing to do is to avoid any and every situation where you might experience rejection, but what does that do? It actually conditions you to be more afraid all the time, right? But if you fear rejection and you go out and you try to be a friendly person, meet new people, ask people to help you, ask that girl out, share the gospel with nonbelievers, try to make that sale for the work that you do, whatever it is. Like every single time you do it, you're like putting like a little Lego brick of confidence in your life that, hey, I did it. I tried and I'm still here. Like I have, I'm not going anywhere.
Ethan Hare: I'm still alive, baby!
Warren Mainard: My, my life is not over because somebody said no or turned me down or whatever. And eventually you become that man who has so much confidence and courage that people start to look at you and they go, man, this guy is unafraid of rejection. I'm gonna put him in situations where he can really strengthen that muscle even more. And again, it's like Paul talks about, "In my weakness, I am made strong through Christ, Christ who strengthens me." And so it's like what are those areas that you feel like are a weakness? And then how can Jesus make you strong by you drilling down on that thing over and over and over again until that weakness is now a strength?
Ethan Hare: Yeah. Yeah. For that was one of the things is drilling it. I remember reading that passage last year, right around this time of the year. And for me, I'm an extrovert. I like being around people, but it's only when I knew people that was at the time. And so for me, I said, okay, we're gonna... I went to coffee shops a lot then, and I would always go to a store with malls or by myself or with other people. And so I said, okay, we'll make a rule. I have to talk to three strangers every single day. But for the first month, the rule is all I had to do is give him a compliment. And then I would just walk away. It felt really awkward, but I didn't like talking to strangers. So we started doing that. So I'd go like, I remember this one girl, and I was like, I think she's cute. So I went up to her and I just said, "Hey, you're cute." And I just walked away and like, I skittled like away like a little penguin. And I'm like, I'm walking away and I was like, maybe she's gonna freak out or something. But I was like, okay. And then afterwards I was like, holy crap, I'm still alive. I'm still here.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: And then I went from that to now, a month later, I was going up, I was having conversations, I would have conversations with the barista. Now I can go into a mall a year later. And, I've known from my friends of just going in and just talking to the person behind the cash register something like that for a good 30 to 40 minutes. And the way that God uses you, and God spends time with you, well not spends time with you, but the way God uses you, when you press into that weakness and how God strengthens you is a beautiful thing. Like last year I was scared and petrified and terrified to talk to strangers. And then a couple weeks ago, I saw a homeless guy on the side of the road, and I said, I should go up, talk to him. But like two years ago, I, or a year ago, I would've been scared to talk to anyone regardless of who it was. And I said, okay, you know what, we'll just go and talk to him. I called to go and talk to him. So I ended up having like two hour conversation with him. And the thing is how God pours into you and strengthens you in your weakness. Like Paul says, it's incomprehendible how God can use you. It's unlimited, the ways God can use you. When you pour and you spend time over and over and over and over and over again into that weakness, and you just pound it and pound it and pound it and spend more and more time working on that, God will use that weakness as your strength. For example, Moses, he had a horrible stutter. He wasn't the best at speaking. He said, "God, why would you want to use me when I don't like speaking in front of people?" So God said, "Fine, I'll use Aaron as your mouthpiece," basically. And then he took that, and then Moses ended up speaking to Aaron or to the Pharaoh, and God used him from that. And then he led all of the Israelites and spoke among them. And God had a direct relationship with him. A guy who was not good at speaking was speaking on the regular with God. God used his weakness and turned it into his strength to lead a nation. That's what God is. That's what you're capable of when you press into that weakness.
Warren Mainard: Yeah. I love that. And I was thinking about, you know, even before you started to talk about Moses, I was thinking about Joshua.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: Joshua is known for his courage. Like he was one of the 2 spies that said, "Hey, we can take these guys. We can take the promised land." The other 10 were afraid because they said, "We're like grasshoppers compared to how big and tall they are." And as a result, the nation of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. God says, "Okay, Joshua, Moses is gone. You're in charge now." And in the first chapter of Joshua, God says to him like four or five times, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous."
Ethan Hare: Strong and courageous. Yeah.
Warren Mainard: Now, if God tells you something like be strong and courageous four or five times, the reason why God is telling you that is because you don't feel like you're strong and courageous. You need to hear that over and over from God because you don't feel like that's who you are. But because Joshua heard from God and he heard what God had to say about him, that you're going to be this man who is strong and courageous 'cause I've commanded you to be that man. Then the whole rest of the book of Joshua makes sense because you see the strong and courageous man who's basically just living out what he believes God has said about him. And so, I think like, just going back to that idea of overcoming fear, believing about yourself that you are a courageous man. Saying that because of God, I am a courageous man. Because of God, I am a strong man. And believing that truth, that that's who God made me to be. That's what it means to be a man, by the way, is to be strong and courageous.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: That's one of the characteristics of a man. And so a lot of men don't feel like they're strong and courageous, but what they need to do is they need to hear what God says about them. And what God says is, "You are strong and courageous 'cause that's what I've commanded you to be. I wouldn't command you to be something that you're not."
Ethan Hare: Yep. That is true. Yeah. I think, I'm gonna give a credit where credit's due. Matt Friesen, a good mentor of mine, he, that's one of the things he's always pressed heavily in some hint me is who does God say you are? 'Cause social media says these things. Your friends say these things.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: The world says all these things. That cute girl says stuff about you. That homie, the dude that does not like you, the bully, they all have things to say about you. But what does God say about you? And so spend time in the word figuring out, for example, he always says, spend 20, find 20 things that God says are true about you: characteristics, who you are, your role in life. And so I think that's really the key as men, is knowing what does God say we are? What does God say our purpose is? 'Cause we always hear you're supposed to be a leader. You're supposed to be a man. You're supposed to be the anchor in the relationship.
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: You're supposed to be that driver. You're supposed to be the leader. You're supposed to be basically the jackhammer in life. You're going at it all the time. But what does God say about you?
Warren Mainard: Right.
Ethan Hare: What does God say your role is? Who does he say you are? What does he say your characteristics are? For example, you're supposed to be strong and courageous. And Joshua One, nine. I remember I learned in third grade. It's... when I go on those runs out in the dark, that was, I think I did a, I did an hour and a half run. And I said that for every single second of it, is you're supposed to be strong, courageous. And I know you might not feel like it, but right after that line it says, God says, "Do not be afraid."
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: "For I am with you." Basically, to shorten it. So don't be afraid.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: I'm with you. That is what God says about you. When you don't feel strong and when you don't feel courageous, God has given that to you. And God has given you the courage and the strength. You just have to use it.
Warren Mainard: So A.W. Tozer, who is a pretty wise and godly intelligent man...
Ethan Hare: A little bit.
Warren Mainard: ...wrote the book, "The Pursuit of God and God's Pursuit of Man." But he says, "The most important thing about a person is what comes to their minds when they think about God." And what he's trying to say about that is that if you have a small picture of God in your mind, if you don't see God as powerful, loving, compassionate, almighty, all those things, then you're never going to honor God, obey God, trust God, follow God the way that God wants you to. So, A.W. Towser says, "The most important thing about a person is what comes to their mind when they think about God." But what I've added to that statement is the second most important thing about a person is what comes to God's mind when he thinks about us. And that's what you were just talking about, is like, it's important for me to know that I'm thinking the right thoughts about God, but it's also important for me to know that God is thinking the right thoughts about me. And especially, like you talk about social media, you talk about all the messages of the world. You talk about guys feeling isolated, alone, ashamed, broken, just angry, bitter, all of these different things. They feel like victims, they feel like they're outcasts, all these things. If you listen to all those voices, it will just completely destroy you. But if you listen to the only voice that matters, which is God's voice, it will build you up and you can be that man who we like to say in IMPACT Players, that we're thermostats, not thermometers. Thermometers just reflect the temperature of the room around them, but thermostats set the temperature. And so we can set the temperature when we know who we are, and we can know who we are when we know who God is and what God says about us. And so, hey, let's go ahead. Let's land the plane and pull the car into the driveway. But as you kind of bring some of these thoughts to culmination, what are two or three takeaways from this podcast that you wanna walk away from and that you think maybe other young men or even older men listening might be able to just take away? We call 'em it, with IMPACT Players, we call 'em nuggets.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: Like what are two or three nuggets that you think are worth holding onto as a result of this podcast?
Ethan Hare: Well, I don't have any bacon to guarantee for anyone that if they don't get a nugget from this podcast, they'll get a lifelong supply of bacon. But if I did have it, I guarantee it. But I would say, top three things that I have taken away from this podcast is consistency as a young man in a relationship with an older man in a mentorship is key. Not only that, but having purpose and having a plan and parameters for what the goal is, what you're trying to accomplish. Because without it, you're running mindlessly through a field.
Warren Mainard: Yeah.
Ethan Hare: And then on top of that, at the end is courage. God gives you these things. God gives you the strength, but you have to press into the weaknesses. Paul says, press into the weakness. And from that, the Lord gives you strength.
Warren Mainard: Yeah, that's great. I know for me, what I want to take away from this is like really being intentional. We all get busy with our lives. We all get consumed with like everything on our massive to-do list. But if you wanna be an IMPACT Player, the way that you make a true impact is investing in other people. And you can invest in your marriage, you can invest in your children, you can invest in your church. But one critical way that you can invest in making an impact is by being a mentor for a younger man, or asking an older man to be a mentor to you. Like that's gonna change the temperature. That's gonna change the game in eternity. And so, be intentional. One my talks that I give is that there's four words that can change your life and it's this: pick up the phone. Just pick up the phone, find a young man, or find an older man, pick up the phone and say, "Hey, can we get coffee? Can we grab lunch? Can we go for a run together? I want to spend more time with you to either grow and learn from you," or "I want to be able to invest in you and pour something into you." And so just be intentional in that because otherwise you'll blink and the years passed by and you just have kind of been burning the midnight oil, but not really getting anywhere.
Ethan Hare: Yeah.
Warren Mainard: Alright guys. Well, hey, thank you everybody for listening to both of these podcasts. I want to thank Ethan with the Reality Shift podcast. Thank you for those that are part of the IMPACT Players community. you can find both of these podcasts on YouTube, on Spotify, Apple, all those kind of things. Ethan, tell our IMPACT listeners how they can follow you.
Ethan Hare: Yeah, you can find us, find me on YouTube at Reality Shift podcast. That's the name of it, but it'd be R Shift Pod, so R-S-H-F-T pod. Or you can find us on Instagram at Reality Shift Podcast or Reality Shift Pod for that matter. So Reality Shift Pod for Instagram. Then for YouTube R Shift Pod, and then at Spotify Reality Shift podcast. And then same thing with Apple Podcasts. So yeah, and it'll be it Open Delta symbol, red, white, black.
Warren Mainard: And if you're a Reality Shift listener, I'll just make a really simple go to impactplayers.org and, you can find all of our social media links, all of our resources, blogs, podcasts, videos, it's all right there. So impactplayers.org. Ethan, thanks so much for, being a part of this podcast. Thank you for doing what you're doing. I'm proud of you, excited about what you're doing. Looking forward to our next run and our next marathon together.
Ethan Hare: Yes, sir.
Warren Mainard: But with that we'll sign off and we'll catch you guys next time.
Ethan Hare: Thank you, brother.
